Forbidden Dream~

Do you ever had a forbidden dream?
Dream like u really wanna make it be your future~
But you do not have the ability~Or something had block your way?
I dropped up my dream coz i don't have the qualification~
A qualification to proof that I'm a science class student and i have the ability to get into medical field~
It still got a path way to get in actually~
But my mum say the risk is too highand I can't afford it~
She don't want me to try~
So~What can I do?
Quarrel with her?
I won't~ because i will be the loser at the end~I knew it~

I was very sad when i heard my mum ask me to drop it~
I run into my room~ Slammed my door shut~
I can't control my emotion~
Non stop of thinking about what can I do~
Asking myself calm down 1st~Only the problem can solve~
But I can'..........

有时候~

今天~
有人问了我一个问题~
他问我~
你了解自己吗？
我愣住了~
不知道要怎么回答~
回家后我静静的想了想~
我？了解自己？

而有时候~
当我遇到很开心的事而笑时~
那种感觉~
很特别~
我很喜欢发自内心笑的感觉~
可是~很不容易~

我~
表面看来很脆弱~
其实~不是的~
没有主见~彷徨~等等~
那~已经是以前的我了~
而他~也已经走进历史了~
有时候~我问意见~
不是我没有主见~
而是我习惯了有参考的例子~
有时候我犹豫不决~
是因为我害怕出错~
脆弱的感觉~由此闵生~

过去的种种~
还是抹不去的~
我回选择牢记着~
因为它可以鉴证~我一路走来不易~
我得来的也不易~
我犯下的过错~
我答应我自己不会再犯~
"U should have to bear your mind, before you make decision."
有人曾经这样劝告过我~
可是我没有记着~
可是当我犯下了不可你补的过错时~
这句话我终于明白了~
可是也太迟了~
事情回不了原点了~

我很喜欢远远的瞻望~
我希望一切问题都好像在我脚下的景物~
一切尽在我预计~控制之中~
可是世事哪有这么完美~
有~也只是在电影情节中~

高中生活里~
我过得比其他人吃力~
我奋斗~我努力~
我并不知道为了什么~
我只知道~
这是我的前途~
至于兴趣~
我一点也没有~
唯一让我感到慰籍的是~
我的朋友~和我的男朋友~
我的朋友中在我需要陪伴的时候陪着我~
而我的男朋友重在我心情低落的时候逗我开心~
使我不再愁眉苦脸~

我很爱哭~
认识我的人都知道~
哭对我来说是一种发泄~
可是很少人会了解这一点~
朋友们安慰我时~
总是喜欢
叫我不要哭~
错了~错了~
你叫我不要哭~
我找不到理由让我自己停止哭泣啊~
我只会越想越开心~
然后又是一阵抽泣声~
不过有朋友安慰也是很幸福的~

可是有时候~
当我无助~彷徨时~
我总是一个人面对~
这时~孤寂又找上我了~
不想面对~可是始终要面对~
无可奈何~
只可怨~我太执著~

Over Persisted~

"Nothing is Impossible, Impossible is Nothing"
I thought it is right~
So~ I just keep walking the way tat i thought it's right~
But actually~
I make a big big mistake~
Yeap~It's a simple idiom as 5years-old child also know it~
But~I~a 17years old girl~
Misunderstood this idiom~
Some body can makes their dreams true~
Because they walk to the right way at the beginning~
N they walk carefully~
They ensure they didn't make any mistake in their journey~
They got the potential to make their dreams become their future~

But me?
Yeap~I also hav a dream~
N i exerted all my strength to make my dream comes true~
But~ i just make a mistake~
I step on a wrong step~
I didn't blame anyone or anything~
Because there's no use to blame~
There's no turning back~
I can't regret~
Because that's my choice~

I have to drop down the dream that i posses~
I have to~
My mum say i'm childish~
ya~ I am~
I'm too innocent~
I'm too stubborn~
I'm too persisted~

Feel so empty~
Like there's no tomorrow~
I hate myself~
I'm wimpish~
Should have to be stronger~
But i cant~~

SPM's OVER!!!!!!!

SPM's OVER!!!!!!!!
Gosh~
Wat i gonna do now?
Shopping? Watching TV? N blablabla for all the holiday?
Wow~ If i do so~
My holiday is gonna to be a meaningless holiday!!!!!
Take an english course?
I'm too lazy to wake up in the early morning~
Go for a dancing class?
No one accompany me~
Find a part time job?
I guaranty no one willing to hire me T.T
Coz i juz can do for half month only~SOB~
So~ I better stay at home n trying to read a book~
LOL~
Ada Ho stay at home n do reading~~~So weird...haha~

Some more i feel like stress still haunting me~
I'm worry about I can't apply the course i wanna study in college~
I noe it's hard for a commerce student to apply into science field~
But at least i've tried~
I noe i will be regret if i din try~
I will feel so sry to myself~
My mum recommend me to study accounting or business~
But i'm not interesting in this field~
And i noe i'm not belongs to this field~
I've no "business sense"~
I noe~ Bcoz i noe myself well~
PLS~PLS~Don't force me to do what i din like to do~
I noe every mum also love their children~
My mum too~But she use another way to show her love~
She worry about me~worry about my future~
Mum force me to do things tat i dun like~
Bcoz I'm mum's daughter~ I'm not an outsider~
But it's too over~I can't breathe~
I have my way to go~
So~Pls~Pls~ Let me go~
N I need your encouragement~Indeed~